Although this is a phenomenal joke of comedian Cem Yılmaz, this question is what almost all international passengers heard at least once in their lives : “What is your purpose of visit?” I believe this is the question that should be asked in all our journeys including the major one to this planet and to this life.
When I ask for wisdom from people who are influential to many, they always answered “Find your future purpose.” “Find your passion and pursue it.”. Since then I realized that I had a lack of passion and real ambition in this dear life. When I think of the past, it is true that I enjoyed and did good enough at almost everything I believed while doing yet I do not feel belonged to any of them, still.
After hitting my 20, I literally asked this question to myself and even googled it many times. Mostly, I realized that I was not alone in this trouble and was even one of the youngest one among the others. To be honest it made me feel a little relaxed but on the other hand it is too unfortunate to see all these people are not satisfied with their lives although being spent most of their youth, moved a lot in the wrong way. We can have lots of cars, houses or change them if we can not afford having one more. But we can have only one lifetime which we definitely wish to spend on the right thing with no regret or disappointment comes in the future.
Lately I’ve found these questions and tips really helped me, gathered on the websites or discovered by myself, at least to eliminate some endless purposes of mine or to draw some directions more underlined. They seem conceptual but still helpful and can really impact on you if you read them on the edge of something, or when you have to make a decision right away, or when you feel like to be brave. And when you are drunk, actually.
THINK OF DEATH, IT IS NOT A BAD THING
Thinking of death terrifies most of us, no denying. We see death is casual and quick in some geographies and also believing in religion in some degree might change the concept of death. But it is still terrifying, do denying ! There might be some future plans of yours which you could not afford so far but death reminds you there is limited time in case you know you want to do something so bad but could not identify what this thing you want clearly. It reminds you that your concerns will be worse by stealing more of your precious time in this world if you do not act to overcome or accept them and head to another way. To be more precise, I even think of having a tattoo to remind myself death, because as a reflex human being is evolved to forget about death since it is not goog for your psychology. You feel hunger because you can feed yourself but you can not be immortal so you ignore the fact that time is irreplacable and live relying on tomorrows. But I find it benefitial to remember death, most of the times it gives me hope and strength and helps me being clear with myself. It does not mean that you always choose the purpose you were born to achieve but at least increase your motivation and attempts.
THINK OF THE THINGS YOU HATE MOST
Most people try to find what they like to do in this life as if they never would be able to get sick of this thing. If you are stuck in this method, just like me, it is natural because there are lots of amazing things which you can enjoy on occasion even if you are not perfect at that. Some people are so dedicated for one thing and I respect that. But that does not work for me and will not. What works for me is not picking up the best but eliminating the worst. There is this question rephrases what I try to explain in a funny way : “What is your favorite flavor of shit sandwich?
What is that you can bear in your worst times? Can you imagine something make you smile or forget everything even if it is the wors time of your life ever? Or what result can make you resist to worst of criticisms, no sleeping for 48 hours. What is the thing you can complain less if there is crap work which definitely requires no quality but just operating as a machine for a quite long time to achieve the fancy result in your dreams ? If there are things you can not bear during your worst times then better not to do it, ever. Because eventually you are gonne give up. Let me be precisie again, I used to think money was not my priority before choosing my career but off days and work atmosphere. But lately I realize that the apartment I live in, my neighbourhood, those kind of aduItthings started to matter to me. So now it seems that I will not pursue the same ideals in my working life and sacrifice my pleasure to live in a better environment. Another example, I like travelling a lot and once used to think I liked it more than anything on this world. But I realize that when I was alone especially with limited money , I hated everything around and missed my family and friends a lot. I hated the hostels and remembered my journey as a big disappointment. So I realized that world adventure was not my cup of tea. I should have joined group tours or maybe convince people coming with me but never alone. Adventurer pictures were amazing on the Instagram but real life experience to make it… I like travelling like 70 years old English tourists. It made me give up the dreams of travel writings collection or preparing a photography portfolio travelling around the world by myself. I should prefer a job sends me to the meetings in overseas with many people by paying my luxury hotel bills or just find a good salary job to make it enough for me to travel with my friends and family sometimes, instead.
IF YOU ARE JEALOUS, BLAME IT ON YOURSELF
Totally true. If there is anything bothers you and seems because of some external reason, try to find out the reason hidden in yourself. Do you think it is too much stress on yourself ? Nonsense, eventually you are the person you like most. If there is anyone you envy because of an opportunity just got out of your hands by this person, don’t hate them. They may cheat or you could deserve it more than them. But there is not a fair world turns your anger into some fairy wish. If you blame yourself you might act to take what you demanded. And trust me it works better than asking from or be angry with someone. If you fail against this person again, you will stop blaming yourself and simply give up . It is totally normal because you will automatically care for yourself and prefer giving up rather than taking yourself as an idiot. I personally was an evil person once, I believe. I mean I sometimes realized I wanted other people to fail so that I might appear more successful . There was this honest quote from the influential movie 3 Idiots : “That day we learned, when your friend flunks, you feel bad, when he tops, you feel worse.” It was hard to admit but yes, for a moment or for a while I felt so jealous and when I hated those people achieving, I lost the connection whit them and felt even weaker. Because losing against someone costs you a lot self confidence. So far it seems unrelated to our topic but when I grew up a little and realized this characteristic of my personality, I literally wanted to punch myself and felt like a monster. It made me question myself to get rid of those ideas and I found out the solution in blaming myself for not achieving it and asking where did I go wrong. After this question I saw that many times, the thing I was jealous about was not something I wanted at all. I would not care if I achieved it or even if it was something I want so bad, I saw myself not tried hard enough and actually not even interested in this thing at least for the future purposes. And being jealous would be nonsense.
If I stayed angry, I would have a dummy purpose made out of ambition and anger but have no natural willing in my heart. Many people want those houses and parties of Silicon Valley entrepreneurs, well then why did not they study hard for years, take a risk for a start up no one believes in, give up hanging out with friends often, wait for years to succeed and be brave to face failure in the end? If you already said “But that is not me!”, here is a reason for not to desire this life. Call it reverse psychology, blaming yourself makes you think more rationale, you feel hungry for absorbing others’ lives but you will be less harsh on yourself. You’ll get rid of some stupid ambitious parasite purposes and most importantly keep your friendships alive.
TRY NOT TO SEE THE FINISH LINE
OK, this is the most tricky part. Even during writing these, I deleted this part once thinking it is a huge contradiction. But actually, if you use this tip carefully, which I can not really succeed on, I guess you’ll see it is fine. In terms of finding a purpose, it is so natural to think of the future conditions of your choices. Sometimes it works. But what I observed in my experiences is, it sometimes slows you down and makes you anxious. Here is why, we are kids that programmed to find future schools to study to get in, future tasks to be part of an organization and boost our skills basket to show off when necessary even if we do not enjoy some of them. All these things create a desire of guarantee since we invest a lot. Before starting something, we do not know whether we’ll like it or not but we want to know it beforehand so that we do not lose time. But unfortunately it does not work like that.
Most beautiful things come with experience in unexpected ways. I respect focusing on plans and expectations, it can also work and make you more determined. But if you are not so tolerant and see some unexpected obstacles on your way, you may give up and feel fooled. When it comes to future, there is no rule or probability calculations. What I suggest is start based on your initials. If you try to predict the future and can not find what you expected in the end, you might be disappointed. You probably will be. Initials are not always best indicators but at least you can save your strength and self respect since it was your choice and a mistake to learn from. I know it sounds lame and difficult. As I said I am not good at this either, I want to see the result before starting doing something. This if for the times when you are not sure about the future outcomes and about to make a decision. You can trust that if there are some clues hidden in your feelings, your insights will guide you by analyzing them already.